Your Inner Critic

Most people experience an inner critic, it points out flaws, doubts decisions, and anticipates failure. Our inner critic is often harsh and unhelpful, exaggerating threats and assuming worst case scenarios. It can make us feel anxious and effect our confidence. It can impact daily behaviour - you may avoid trying new things, struggle to speak up, set boundaries, or accept compliments.

Our inner critic develops over time, shaped by past experiences, social expectations and comparison or learned fears. It often comes from a place of self-preservation, you’re not good enough could actually be trying to say, avoid this situation so you don’t get hurt or rejected.

We may try to eliminate our inner critic, but a more effective approach is to understand and reframe your thinking. Start by noticing the negative thoughts and what triggers it - you may be able to identify patterns. After your awareness build’s you can learn to develop a more balance inner voice, this doesn’t mean replacing criticism with positivity, but introduces fairness and perspective.

When your inner critic shows up it can be helpful to ask yourself “is this thought based on facts, or is it driven by fear or low self-esteem?”. After, ask yourself “has there been a time when I have thought the opposite” or “what are alternative explanations” or “what would a friend say”. Self-compassion is key, treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. Then create a balanced perspective for instance we may change from “I always mess things up,” to “I made a mistake that I have not made before, I often receive positive feedback at work, I can learn from it”.

It is also important to challenge our responses, it is not about being perfect or constantly feeling confident, everyone experiences moments of doubt. For example, your inner critic might discourage you from speaking up in a meeting, framing it as a risk of embarrassment, when in reality it could be a chance to be heard and valued. What matters is showing up and learning the feared outcome may not happen and to accept yourself, including your strengths and weaknesses.

Additionally surrounding yourself with supportive people who encourage and uplift you will have a positive impact. Often, we dismiss the kindness we receive, learning to accept compliments will also challenge our inner critic.

By learning to listen more carefully and challenge our thoughts and behaviours, we can begin to quieten the inner critic, decrease anxiety and improve self-esteem.